Listen Before You Try to Change Someone
We have the answer ready. Have we heard the person yet? Consider listening as an act of love, not simply the pause before our turn to talk.
By Pastor Chris Cahill · 2 minute read · Reflection
Someone tells us what hurts, and our mouth starts warming up before their sentence is finished. We mean well. We want to help. But love may ask us to park the speech and hear the person.
A person is opening a small part of their life. Before we lead them anywhere, we can stay beside them long enough to listen.
Ask to understand, not to set a trap
“What has that experience been like for you?” opens a different conversation from “Have you considered that you are wrong?”
An honest question leaves room for an answer we did not expect. Perhaps the argument carries grief. Perhaps their reasons are stronger than we assumed. We cannot learn that while rehearsing our winning reply.
Love can withstand an unfinished conversation
Christian witness does not require controlling the outcome of every encounter. In 1 Peter 3:15–16, giving a reason for hope is joined to gentleness and respect. The manner of our response belongs to the response itself.
The person may need time, disagree, or decline the conversation altogether. We can respect that freedom. If our care disappears when agreement does, it is worth asking what we were offering in the first place.
Let the practice test the message
Try reflecting back what you have heard before giving your view: “It sounds like this is what concerns you. Have I understood?” Let the person correct you.
Keep the confidence. Offer help without attaching a belief test. Return to the conversation without asking for a progress report. That is how our talk about love becomes something another person can trust.
None of this prevents honest disagreement. It gives disagreement a human setting. We can speak plainly and still care about how our words land.
In your next difficult conversation, reflect back what you heard before offering your view. Let them correct you. We can give a reason for our hope without treating a human being as a project.
Read a little further
- Adapted from the supplied manuscript: Everyday Evangelism
- 1 Peter 3:15–16 — read the passage in context
Related book: Everyday Evangelism
Faith, hope, and love in action through Christ and kindness.
